Thursday, July 29, 2010

How To Live A Happier Life - Part 2, Thought Processes




Welcome to Part 2 of the 'How To Live A Happier Life' series where we will look at thought processes. In Part 1, we discussed some suggestions on how we can live a happier life in terms of our physical well being including detoxifying the body, getting off the couch, breathing deeply, drinking more water and less alcohol and eating well with occasional fasting. While these suggestions might not sound like much fun, they will certainly help you live a happier life if you adopt them with an attitude of moderation. Part 2 is all about the way our thoughts impact our happiness. Part 3 will look at following your bliss.

You are responsible for your own happiness and it is really up to the individual to develop the physical and mental habits that will lead to sustainable health and happiness. No one else can do it for you! Here are a few tips for developing a healthy mental attitude to life.

The Importance of a Positive Mental Attitude

Have you ever been asked if you are a 'glass half full' or a 'glass half empty' person? What this question means is do you see the world optimistically (half full) or pessimistically (half empty)? If you are a 'glass half full' person, you will be able to identify the possibilities in any given situation. You will see the good that has already happened and be able to identify solutions for the difficulties you may be facing. You will also gladly take responsibility for what happens in your life. To the contrary, the 'glass half empty' person will move through the world as a victim, blaming everyone and everything else for the situations in their lives. They will not be able to clearly problem solve as they feel they have little control or influence over anything. They generally look for and find the worst in any given situation.

Which attitude do you think would lead to living a happier life, the 'glass half full' or the 'glass half empty'? If you feel you see the 'glass half empty', it is possible to change the way you view the world. The following 4 points contain tools that might help you to see the world in a more positive light. Our mental attitude is critical to living a happier life.

Self Talk

Do you ever stop to listen to how you talk to yourself? Most of us would never speak to anyone else in the same way we speak to ourselves. We are all guilty of telling ourselves negative statements. We are our worst critic. Transactional Analysis tells us that everyone has internal models of behaviour that manifest as parent, child or adult, and that we play these roles with one another in our relationships and with ourselves, in our internal conversations. In this model, the ideal line of communication is that of adult to adult, where the talk is reasonable and assertive. However, a large proportion of our self talk is generally a critical parent to child exchange.

You can train your self talk to become more adult, firstly, by just noticing what you say to yourself and then deciding to change it. Take time to listen, as dispassionately as possible, to how you are speaking to yourself and endeavour to make your self talk more encouraging and far less critical. Secondly, speak in the positive and try to avoid words such as 'cannot', 'impossible', 'would not' and all forms of name calling. Replace them with 'I can try', 'it might be possible' or 'maybe it will' ... This will change your focus from the negative, where solutions may not be available, to the positive where you might just succeed.

Affirmations are also a good way to change self talk. Positive affirmations and positive thinking techniques can help develop a powerful and positive attitude to life which is an essential element in making your life happier. Leave yourself positive and supportive notes around the house and practice writing positive statements. A person who values and respects themselves will live a happier life than a person who devalues themselves.

Become a Listener More Than a Talker

Myers-Briggs is a personality test where, by answering a series of questions, you can get some understanding on how you move through the world. The dichotomies of the model include Extraversion (E), Intraversion (I), Sensing (S), Intuition (N), Thinking (T), Feeling (F), Judgement (J) and Perception (P). My result was INFJ. The point is, that regardless of your personality type, there is so much value in becoming a listener more than a talker. Some personality types tend to need to have their opinion heard. They may often dominate a conversation and show a lack of interest in anything that anyone else says. You may have experienced waiting for a pause in a conversation so you could offer your opinion, but in reality, there was no point because no-one heard what you said. You feel frustrated, undervalued and exhausted and will most likely want to run at the first opportunity.

I'm not suggesting you become a doormat, but if you want to live a happier life, say less and try to become an active listener. Why? There are many reasons why listening, rather than forcing your opinion, is important. Your conversations will be less stressful as you show respect to others by listening to their opinion. Others will want to speak with you because they feel heard. Your confidence will grow because you have developed the skills to effectively listen. You will learn more from others. You will feel your contribution is valued because people will ask for it.

To show that you are listening, ask open ended questions which require more than a yes or no answer, paraphrase what the person has just said, ask about feelings, ask what happened next. In general, have an attitude that the conversation is about their experience rather than not yours. You will live a happier life when you listen more!

The Power of Meditation

Meditation is one of the most powerful tools to bring happiness into your life. Find a quiet place and make the commitment to yourself to sit in meditation for one hour a day for at least a week. Be sure the spine is straight, the eyes closed and the body relaxed. If you persist using 100% devoted concentration, benefits will come in time. Why not experiment and have some fun with it!

The first benefit of regular meditation is that you increase your powers of concentration which will filter through to every aspect of your life. Concentration means to focus the mind with interest and determination on any one thought or action. Meditators new to the practice usually focus on watching the breath. When your mind wonders (and it will), bring it gently back to the thought or action you are focused on. In time, you will be able to sustain your concentration for longer periods and will begin to slow your heart rate. As a consequence, the breath will slow and bodily restlessness will decrease. Feeling that inner calmness results in a closer and more confident relationship with yourself thus bringing more happiness into your life.

Be at Home With Yourself

If you struggle to get along with yourself, it makes sense that you will struggle to get along with others. Those who find fault in others, usually find fault in themselves as well. There is little evidence of inner harmony in people who do not have a gentle and nurturing relationship with themselves. Those who cannot find peace in their own hearts will struggle to find it anywhere else. The trick is to finish the internal war and bring harmony into your relationship with yourself. Your breath will flow and your body will be healthy if your bodily organs are working in harmony. Mental harmony will come when the mind sorts the good and useful thoughts from the less useful thoughts. When wrong thinking is banished forever, you can expect to find an inner and outer harmony in all aspects of your life.

Finally ...

There are a number of tips here for your consideration. Perhaps you might like to experiment with some of the suggestions. I also refer back to the need to detoxify the body. A healthy, toxin free body is an essential part of living a happier life. In Part 3, we will discuss how to follow your bliss. After all, the choice to live a happier life is in our hands.

Part 1   Part 3

Jannette has researched health and well being issues for the past 20 years and holds a Bachelor of Applied Science in Health Promotion. Healthy eating, regular meditation, moderation in everything and taking the correct supplements can make an enormous improvement to the quality of our lives. Claim your free Aussie eBook "The Truth Revealed - Activated Liquid Zeolite" at http://www.CleansingZeolite.com or email Jannette at janobarr@gmail.com

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