Letting Go

"Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. Why hold onto the very thing that keeps you from hope and love?"

-Leo Buscaglia

One of the biggest obstacles people deal with in life is letting go of the past. For many it becomes a full time job. They are so consumed with what was, what if, why, if only, etc. that not only do they NOT let go of the past, but they live in it.

It's important to look at your life in retrospect for many different reasons. You can look back and either cherish the memories that were a part of your life which have made you who you are today. Or, you can learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others.

It's when you become obsessed with the past that you forfeit living your life today. The plain, hard truth is staring you in the face and there isn't anything you can do about it now except learn from it and move on.

When you choose to live in the past you miss out on the present. Many people don't realize that it's a choice. They believe that their minds simply won't stop thinking about things when in reality it is what they feed their mind that continues the obsession.

Don't think that I am saying that there isn't a necessary time frame which is appropriate in letting go of past hurts, love, betrayals, bad decisions and life's adversities. But, what I am saying is that there isn't one single thing you can do to change it so why not accept it and let go?

Life is constantly changing, circumstances change, people change; even when we don't want them to, but when you resist what has happened, is when you struggle the most and you remain stuck in the past.

Many people will say, "I can't stop thinking of him/her." Or, they lie in bed at night and let the past play back in their minds like they are watching an old movie. They rehearse conversations, they relive memories, and they even project "what if" and see themselves living as if things had worked out the way they wanted.

As I said before, it is important to go over the past to learn from it. But, unless you begin to release yourself from all of the memories you will continue to feel the way you do right now.

You do this by first accepting what is. It's over and done. Yes, it has impacted your life but that is life and if you choose not to accept what is you will prolong your agony and only torment yourself more in the process.

Next, start to realize that your life will go on and little by little whether you like it or not, this experience will become a distant memory. So why hold on to memories for dear life when eventually they will fade anyway?

It is you that is living in the past. Life is moving on and you are choosing not to go with the flow. You are keeping yourself stuck by what you think. Whatever thoughts are going through your mind about this past situation is exactly how you are going to feel.

For instance, if you are trying to let go of a past love (or substitute your situation) and feel consumed by it, when you say things like, I can't stop thinking of him/her, I feel horrible, I will never feel the same about anyone, I will live with this person in my heart forever, etc. How do you think these thoughts are going to make you feel?

Instead, thank your Higher Power for your experience which has provided you with a valuable lesson and say, "I may have wished things turned out differently but they didn't, I am strong and I will get beyond this like all of life's circumstances, I will hold onto the memories that serve me in learning and I will let go and move on."

No matter what it is, you have to decide to talk yourself through this with a more realistic approach. View it as one of life's many lessons and know that you will get beyond this when you accept what is. You won't get beyond it if you resist what is.

You are so busy trying to change the past, which is impossible, or trying to relive it, that you lose the most precious gift of all; life. Life is passing you by because you are living somewhere else.

If you would only open your eyes to the many blessing around you and start to appreciate them, the past wouldn't look as appealing of a place to live. Not to mention that it is nowhere, it's a dead end, it's gone, over, finito, it's in the past.

What good does it do to dwell on the past? Where does it get you? How does it make you a better person?

You choose what you think, what you say to yourself and what you feel about any given situation or circumstance by what perspective you choose to look at it with. If you choose to hold onto the past then don't expect to live a fulfilling life today.

On the other hand, if you truly accept what is, learn from it, let go of it and move on, you will be able to embrace what is right in front of you and you can actually begin to enjoy life again.

Living with only memories and what ifs, is the ultimate waste of your time and your life. It's totally up to you as to what you do with your life, so why not choose to live instead of dying with the past?

Letting go isn't always easy but when you do, you can start to live now instead of then.

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Susan Russo has written one of the top breakup books on the market. Her direct approach is a wake up call for anyone who is stuck in the letting go process. How would you like to move beyond the pain and start to feel like a human again? Find out how to by starting with Susan's FREE mini report on how to heal your pain  http://www.whystay.com