Thursday, March 21, 2013

How to Be an Effective Listener

By Hal Neff


Effective communication is one of the keys to success, and once you're good at it, people notice.

Most people think that building up conversation skills includes establishing persuasive speech and conversational abilities, but what you may not realize is just how critical effective listening can be.

Without an effective listener, none of your conversational skills would matter. This is because your own points - regardless of how clear - still would not be noticed or understood.

Keep in mind that listening is a full 50% of the communication effort so it is well worth your time and effort to develop this valuable skill, too.

Here are several methods you may use to develop your listening skills:

1 . Fight the urge to speak. Sometimes when you're engaged in a heated discussion, you begin to concentrate on what you are going to say next. You can even be tempted to open up your mouth before the other person is finished. Try to make the extra effort to keep your lips sealed until they are done talking.

* While they're talking, don't worry about what you are going to say or how you're going to say it. Instead, focus on the words and body language of the other person.

2 . Look interested. Your own nonverbal communication abilities are crucial while you are listening. If you are looking disinterested and uncaring, the person trying to speak with you will probably pick up on these subtle hints. They might be flustered or less likely to share their thoughts. Makes sense, right?

* Engage with the person speaking. Make eye contact and nod your head or smile. Allow your discussion partner know that their points are coming across to you.

3. Repeat the highlights. One way to literally tell your conversation partner that they are effectively communicating is to simply restate their ideas. You can repeat key phrases in an affirming tone. You can even give them a quick overview of what they just said in your own words.

* Avoid sharing your opinions when repeating their concepts or ideas. At this point, you just simply want to convey that you've fully understood their meaning.

4. Ask questions. Don't be scared to ask your discussion partner to elaborate on what they're saying. If you need further information, then ask for it. The important thing is that you grasp what they are trying to get across.

5. Be patient. It's also important to maintain patience, especially when dealing with people who might be shy or may not have the skill to communicate very well. If you're not patient, you might end the conversation prematurely or scare off your conversation partner.

6. Follow your partner's lead. Being an efficient listener does not imply that your only job is to listen. You can definitely add to the conversation, too. At the same time, you do not want to overpower the conversation. Add your input if they ask for it or when they have finished their point.

Remember that practice makes perfect. After you've had an important discussion, ask yourself what you remember from the discussion. Write down the details if necessary. Did you enable the other person to do most of the talking?

When you fight the urge to dominate conversations, you will be able to truly hear what people have to say!




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